On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
