im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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