she looked like the before picture.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
