Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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