If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
