It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
