how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
