I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
