My first STD was from a foam party
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
