the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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