i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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