apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me i tasted like america
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
