I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
