Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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