YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
