Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Houston, we have a squirter
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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