we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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