i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
