Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dick very happy bro
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
