Got a toothbrush?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
