just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
