For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
