speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
