just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
