she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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