brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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