I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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