Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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