I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
