we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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