I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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