how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
