Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
