Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
