Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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