i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
