he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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