dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
