i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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