all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
