does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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