note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
