One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
