I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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