when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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