here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
