well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
