I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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