hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
