i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
