Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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