once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
