piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
