There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
