Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
