onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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