Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
