the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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