ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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